Just a warning, this post might get kind of gross. I will talk about some bodily functions and physical sensations in detail. If you are one of those types who don’t like things like that, then maybe skip this one.
I have mentioned this before, but I have never really felt fully connected to my own body. Somehow I made it 24 years before realizing that most people didn’t feel that way. I see myself as a collection of thoughts rather than a physical being. I still get very upset by mirrors because the thing I see in a mirror has never matched what I feel that I look like on the inside. For a while, I kept my mirrors covered up because I couldn’t stand to look at them. I still get very disturbed by my own reflection in random things and will move away to avoid having to look at my reflection in a window or tv screen.
Because of this loose connection that I feel to my body, I have had lots of weird sensations that other people seem to just understand and get naturally.
My first headache was an interesting endeavor. I remember being so very confused by the headache, having never experienced it before, and having no vocabulary to use for it. It felt like there was a loud siren blaring in my head and everything around me, everything in the real world felt muted by that siren. But no one else could hear the siren, I asked them several times. Eventually the siren changed into more of a weight that was pulling my brain and my head down, making it hard to move, making it hard to think. That was when I lost it and began to throw a fit. The headache got worse as I was crying, and it felt like my brain was caught in a fan. You know, one of those fans where you can take off the cover and put your hand inside the spinning blade. Only my brain was in there and I couldn’t take it out. I think after a while of me screaming about that the school nurse finally figured it out and gave me some medicine for the headache, it felt like it took her years to help me.
When I was a little kid, I remember having diarrhea for the first and yelling and screaming for my mom because I was certain that I was dying. It felt like my intestines were falling out and I was going to die from loss of blood, I was too terrified to look and see that there were no intestines involved. I remember screaming so much and my mom just telling me to calm down it was going to be over soon, but I was solidly convinced that I would die or that I would feel this way forever. I still would describe diarrhea in the same way, but now at least I have proven that it can be survived.
When I was younger I used to throw up a lot. I guess maybe that’s something most kids do? I don’t really know. I wasn’t sick very often, but I threw up a lot. Not that I made myself throw up, because it still is one of the worst feelings. Being a young scientist, I noticed that every time I was sick, the Labyrinth was one tv. So I began to believe that the Labyrinth made me sick, maybe not too far off from the truth. The stunning visage of David Bowie can be upsetting to young stomachs. But it got to a point where one time the movie was on tv and I threw up once I saw it, just like Pavlov’s dog. Anyways, throwing up was a fun experience the first time. I remember feeling so sick, and feeling like diarrhea was going to happen. That awful feeling of lava burrowing it’s way inside your body and destroying your insides as it tries to work its way out of you. The feeling that you have a hurricane raging inside your stomach and it is trying to get out as fast as it can. Now I know that most people call that nausea.
Throwing up always starts with nausea, but gets much worse. Throwing up involves the rest of the body tensing as it gets ready to disembowel itself in reverse. There is usually a cold sweat that breaks out, vision will blur slightly around the edges, and then hands will start to shake. That was always my sign, I knew that once my hand started to shake, that I had about 20 seconds before touchdown. I used to feel nauseous a lot in school and would constantly check my hand so I knew when to bolt out of the classroom. Then the throwing up progresses into the burping stage, lulling you into a false sense of security by making you think that it’s only a big burp. Maybe that lowers your guard a little, makes you feel a little bit better and think about going back to whatever you were doing. But then, it happens. The first time that I threw up, I was again solidly convinced that I was dying. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t really move, and every part of my body hurt. I couldn’t even scream or cry because I was too busy throwing up. I remember my mom telling me that it was ok, and I just cussed her out and said she had no idea how bad this was and I was definitely dying. I was a pretty strange little child I suppose. But I didn’t die, I survived throwing up and many times since then. Still to this day, I keep a mental count of how long it has been since I threw up. As of today, it has been 1 year and 17 days.
Another thing that I face frequently is the bi-annual sinus infection. I get allergies really badly about twice a year and that always leads to a sinus infection. I have gotten really good at recognizing this process, and I have collected enough data to make a theory. Sinus infections, at least for me, tend to be over pretty fast. Day 1 is the throat day. It starts with a sore throat and maybe a light headache, not too bad yet. Day 2 will be congestion day, where I can’t breathe very well and ears are constantly popping every few minutes. I hate congestion, it is one of the worst feelings out there. Congestion feels like there is a balloon inside your head that is being constantly inflated, smashing your brain and insides around as it pushes them out of its way. Day 3 is body aches. This day is by far the worst; this is the day that I will call in sick for every time it happens. Body aches feel like there is a massive force of gravity that is somehow bearing down on you no matter where you go or what you do. Every nerve in the body in sensitive to this gravity as it tries to flatten you into a little pancake. Day 4 is coughing day, and then the sinus infection is gone. Only one time has that pattern been broken.
As a side note: Why is kissing so popular? I have never kissed someone and felt good about it. Lips are weird and slimy and kisses are awkward and wet for some reason. I had my first kiss at 14, we were at a Brave Combo concert (so proud of that fact, you should look up this band if you don’t know them…they are legendary) and had climbed up a tree to see the band, and of course wound up kissing. Because what else do teenagers do in a tree at a polka concert? It was an awful kiss, and we both agreed to never do that again. I held my end of the bargain, but they got mad at me for that later. Anyways, I have kissed many other people since then (well not that many but you know…enough people). All of them were weird and uncomfortable. I don’t get why most people seem to enjoy kissing. What is so romantic about rubbing your weird lips on someone else’s? Lips are just a weird part of the body, like a knee. Have you ever really looked at a knee? It’s a very odd looking piece of meat and bone, far weirder than a joint should be.
Ok, I think that’s enough for now. I definitely have many more gross descriptions, so you can look forward to those at a later time.